So much of my identity these days resides in the fact that I am a mother. I am the mama to 3 little girls, ages 6, 2 and 9 months, and to say they’re my world would be an understatement. In February, we found out we were expecting our fourth baby and of course we were eager to find out the gender. We have always wanted 4 children and though most people would assume we would be hoping for a boy, we truly just pray for a healthy baby every time we’re pregnant. Having 3 girls with another one on the way always draws a lot of commentary so I wrote this letter on the night we found out the baby’s gender to remember exactly how I felt when we found out what our fourth and final baby would be.
I know it’s only natural to lean one way or another as far as wanting a boy or a girl and I’ll admit that when we found out the gender of our last baby, a part of me was a little sad that my husband would never have a son; but, I truly love being the mama of girls. Anyone that knows me knows how much joy I get from dressing my girls, matching them and watching them develop their own unique personalities. I look at each of my children and think of what an incredible loss it would have been to not have them in our family. I know I will feel the same way about our Abby once she’s here and this letter I wrote 2 months ago best summarizes my thoughts about our newest sweet addition.
To My Last Baby, Abby Kate:
Most people are seeing our pregnancy announcement picture on social media and thinking “They have lost their minds, didn’t they JUST have a baby?” They are right. We HAVE lost our minds. You and Ava will be 13.5 months apart (or less) and come November, your parents will have 3 kids ages 2 and under, along with a 6 year old. While you were a surprise, no doubt, you were never unplanned and always anticipated. Just 7 months ago, when we brought Ava home from the hospital I prayed “Oh God, please don’t let this be my last.” He heard my prayer loud and clear. For as long as I can remember, I wanted four babies. So when we found out 8 weeks ago that you were on your way, I was stunned but never regretful that there would be such a short span between you and your sister.
I know what’s coming next–you’re a GIRL, you’re our last and as a result, we’ll get unnecessary sympathetic comments, as well as questions of “Will you try for a boy?” From the day I laid eyes on your big sister, Gracie, I fell in love with her and I experienced the wonder of a sweet baby girl. Then came our spunky Olivia and our laid back Ava and I got to experience that wonder all over again. I get to watch you and your sisters grow up to be strong women. I also get to watch you be mentored by a man that will teach you to wield a hammer, change the oil and fix a washing machine, among other things. How blessed you are to have a daddy that’s oh-so-patient and constantly looking to teach you new things and give you unique experiences. I can guarantee you he will make sure you are more than just a girl in dresses and bows.
After working 7 years at your Granddaddy’s office, I have seen far too many women and couples who have BEGGED God to give them a baby. They have endured countless blood draws, embarrassing procedures, miscarriages, disappointing news, heartbreaking realizations, hormone injections, lots of tears and more just to have one baby. So when I get the question of “Just couldn’t get that boy, huh?” or a similar comment, I just want to look at that person and say “Are you kidding? Are you serious?” I GET to be the mother to four girls and every time I hear your heartbeat or I see you wiggling on that ultrasound, I breathe a sigh of relief and I thank God that you’re coming to meet us. You, my dear, are the finale to our family and our precious little caboose. You were chosen for us before you were ever even a reality and when I think about getting to see you blaze your own trail after your 3 big sisters, I almost can’t stand it. We can’t wait to meet you and I consider myself so incredibly blessed to have the privilege of being your mama. So, Abby, if you ever wonder if I wish you were a boy….it’s the furthest thing from my mind.
Photo Credit: Rynn & Kate Photography